Eating the Cat

Closed

2007-12-21T08:52:00.000-08:00

End of Blog

It was fun doing this blog, for a while, however, with the information overload I find it redundant posting funny stuff that has been posted a couple of million times before.

On top of it all, there is the time factor.

Thank you for tuning in and have a nice day.

Craig

Do I look fat in this?

2007-12-10T20:08:00.003-08:00

The Expression

2007-12-10T20:08:00.001-08:00

Fly me -- I dare you

2007-12-09T19:23:00.000-08:00

Need; The Mother of Invention

2007-12-06T12:42:00.003-08:00

Disturbing Cats

2007-12-06T12:42:00.001-08:00

And it Rained

2007-12-04T20:11:00.001-08:00

Attack!

2007-12-04T10:06:00.001-08:00

Seeing Eye Dog

2007-12-03T20:02:00.001-08:00

Little Gymnist

2007-12-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

Upside down world

2007-12-02T10:30:00.001-08:00

Kiss me

2007-12-01T20:46:00.001-08:00

Monkey Kissing Prank - Watch more free videos

Really - Don't do it

2007-11-30T16:55:00.001-08:00

Smoooth -- Turkish Smooth

2007-11-27T18:31:00.000-08:00

Gorgeous Ex

2007-11-27T06:45:00.000-08:00

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic.'

I was flabbergasted. 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now,', I said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'

She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge.' 'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff sagging, my teeth not as white and jowls like a Great Dane!

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby, gray-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'

So I hung up …

The Congress of America

2007-11-25T20:09:00.001-08:00

Dogs Cows and Cats

2007-11-25T10:20:00.000-08:00

Light on? or off?

2007-11-24T18:20:00.001-08:00

721 Claps Per Second - video powered by Metacafe

Love me, I'm ugly

2007-11-24T18:11:00.001-08:00

pi tatoo

2007-11-24T18:10:00.001-08:00

Doctor Doctor

2007-11-21T12:27:00.000-08:00

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by! Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six ours and now I'm running out of places to put It!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion She answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar MeyerWiener'!".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Vista -- The new Melenium

2007-11-21T09:20:00.000-08:00

Vista or Mac Ad, depending on how you look at it.

Got Style

2007-11-20T16:20:00.001-08:00

No Motivation allowed

2007-11-20T16:18:00.000-08:00

Diet WHAT!!??

2007-11-20T16:17:00.000-08:00

Rednecks R us

2007-11-20T16:16:00.000-08:00

A lighthouse

2007-11-20T16:15:00.000-08:00

Ball! Go THERE!

2007-11-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

The Master Of Balls - video powered by Metacafe

Treats

2007-11-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

Geek Fashion

2007-11-19T07:47:00.001-08:00

Keyboard Bag - video powered by Metacafe

Jump

2007-11-18T13:11:00.000-08:00

Insane Jumping Skills - Watch more free videos

Mini Race

2007-11-17T09:03:00.000-08:00

RC Car Beats Mini Cooper - Watch more free videos

Spoons

2007-11-17T08:49:00.001-08:00

Wooden Spoon Prank - Watch more free videos

Worlds largest beer fridge

2007-11-15T17:16:00.000-08:00

An amazing Art Piece

2007-11-15T10:22:00.000-08:00

Super Super Soaker Collection

2007-11-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

Find X

2007-11-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

Ahmed, the Dead Terrorist by Jeff Dunham

2007-11-13T21:18:00.000-08:00

Sheep - Jasper, Canada

2007-11-13T15:10:00.000-08:00

Hand Drawn

2007-11-13T14:48:00.000-08:00

Dumb Brilliant Kid

2007-11-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

Open the curtains please

2007-11-13T08:21:00.001-08:00

Amazing Rube Goldberg - Watch more free videos

Heaven at five

2007-11-12T07:35:00.001-08:00

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if
they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage
sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept
everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all
the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into
Heaven?" I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," I continued,
"then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out,

"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

Rather Odd and Amusing -- Animation

2007-11-11T20:50:00.000-08:00

By Aliens?

2007-11-11T10:47:00.001-08:00

The party is over

2007-11-10T12:02:00.001-08:00

Skateboarding Dog

2007-11-09T21:07:00.001-08:00

Halloween children from Hell

2007-11-09T20:48:00.001-08:00

Toyota Supra Fast

2007-11-08T12:00:00.000-08:00

Cat from Mars

2007-11-05T19:20:00.000-08:00

Get the light

2007-11-05T18:57:00.001-08:00

She Yodels

2007-11-03T10:05:00.001-07:00

11 Year Old Girl Yodels - Watch more free videos

He was on the Big Screen

2007-11-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

Stadium Watches Kid Pass Out At Game - Watch more free videos

Polar Bear Friday

2007-11-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Stuart Brown describes Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear playing with sled dogs in the wilds of Canada's Hudson Bay.
The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his huskies when the polar bear materialized out of the blue, as it were:

Obviously it was a well-fed Bear...

The Polar Bear returned every night that week to play with the dogs..

Mars

2007-11-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

Finally, a use for a cigarette

2007-11-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

Reflexes

2007-10-31T20:47:00.001-07:00

Nickle trick

2007-10-27T19:57:00.001-07:00

Pool Table Nickel Trick - Watch more free videos

I'll take two -- one of each

2007-10-27T11:34:00.001-07:00

My imagination

2007-10-27T11:31:00.001-07:00

A** over Tea Kettle

2007-10-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

Slide-fun - Watch more free videos

These Yours?

2007-10-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

I am a special snow flake

2007-10-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

Sopt in the name of spelling!

2007-10-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

Heebee Jeebees

2007-10-23T12:31:00.001-07:00

Back in the old days, my Parents gave me a razor to play with, and I liked it.

Swimming Dog

2007-10-23T12:30:00.000-07:00

Why eat cat

2007-10-21T18:40:00.000-07:00

Dumb Brilliant Kids

2007-10-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

One of those days all week

2007-10-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

The German Mirror

2007-10-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

Smoking Blows

2007-10-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

Get rid of Telemarketing

2007-10-16T08:46:00.000-07:00

Every time you get a call you consider junk, just ask the questions in this script.
1. ``Are you calling to sell something?'' (or ``is this a telemarketing call?'')
2. ``Could you tell me your full name please?''
3. ``And a phone number, area code first?''
4. ``What's the name of the organization you're calling for?''
5. ``Does that organization keep a list of numbers it's been asked not to call?''
6. ``I would like my number(s) put on that list. Can you take care of that now?''
7. ``And does the company you work for also make telemarketing calls for any other organizations?'' (If they answer no, skip the next question.)
8. (If yes) ``Can you make sure your company won't call me for any other organization?''

You may need to ask to speak with a supervisor if they sound lost. When you're ready to let them off, you might close with ``Is it clear that I never want telemarketing calls from anyone?'' and just say goodbye. If you feel like making them pay, keep going:

1. ``Will your company keep my number on its do-not-call list for at least ten years?''
2. ``And does your company have a written policy that says that on paper?''
3. ``Can you send me a copy of it?''
4. ``What's your supervisor's first and last name?''
5. ``What's your employer's business name, address and main telephone number?''
6. ``Are you calling for a tax-exempt nonprofit organization?''
7. ``Is this call based on a previously established business relationship?''

Before hanging up, check you have all their answers written down, then say goodbye. Add the date and time to your record.

I hate telemarketers and this will certainly make them squirm. In the states this script has more teeth, but in Canada, it will simply make them uncomfortable, which is after all, the Canadian way.

Elephants

2007-10-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

oopsie

2007-10-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Little Brother Bean Bag Launch - Watch more free videos

Insane Risk

2007-10-13T19:13:00.001-07:00

Bridge Bears Lost

2007-10-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

Spider on my MailBox

2007-10-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

Real Mug Shots

2007-10-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

Supper

2007-10-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

The room mate put some food? on the barbeque and then ran upstairs for a quick look at Facebook. Well, he tried, , , tried and failed that is.

Bon Apetite

Beer

2007-10-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

Testing cereal with the innocence of children

2007-10-10T19:05:00.000-07:00

Creatures great and Small

2007-10-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

An award for Craig

2007-10-09T12:38:00.001-07:00

I got this from Barstow Mama and have been tardy in posting it.

Thank you for the accolades Ms. Mama! or is that Barstow, or is it Ms. Barstow Mama?

Thank you very much! And thanks for reading too!

Ethan and Jay

2007-10-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

Drunk Much?

2007-10-08T16:08:00.001-07:00

Fire! and Fire Men

2007-10-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

What!!??

2007-10-08T16:06:00.001-07:00

Think -- then Listen to your gut

2007-10-06T18:42:00.001-07:00

Mine

2007-10-06T10:47:00.001-07:00

Motzart on Bass Guitar

2007-10-06T10:43:00.001-07:00

Elephant Monday

2007-10-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

Gorgeous women?

2007-09-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

Incredible story about an elephant's memory

2007-09-30T17:47:00.001-07:00

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they were standing at the rail. The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Hmmph. Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Resignation

2007-09-30T15:36:00.001-07:00

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards.

Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.

You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation.

(Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never **** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Motivational Craig

2007-09-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

Why people get big

2007-09-24T07:25:00.001-07:00

Burgular

2007-09-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

Flawed Logic

2007-09-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

When in doubt, change the subject.

Sloth -- funny little guy

2007-09-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Craig

2007-09-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

I got my computer finally working. I'll spare the technical details, so just say it was a real bear. Well, actually, I saw this bear on my GREAT trip to Jasper a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say, I wasn't riding my Motorcycle. Happy Craig! My computer is up and running! Wahoo!